The Promised Land

This is the "Promised Land."  To stand where Moses, or Musa as Muslims call him, stood was an unexpected gift.  On this mission I expected to work hard and hoped I'd maybe be able to travel just a bit.  I had no idea that each week I'd get to see so many things.  Anyway, in the distance of this view, starting from the left, are The Dead Sea, Bethlehem, Jerusalem and Jericho.  While historically it is an absolutely amazing vista, my twenty-first century eye wonders what is so appealing.  It is dry and barren with just a hint of lushness.  But, to Moses and his people it must have been too lush for words.  I guess we each have our own promised land.  

Two days after I started this mission trip my brother Jamie killed himself.  After high school, Jamie left home and never looked back.  He left before Dad died but remained loosely tethered to us.  Jamie lived in Charlottesville when I was in college.  If I appeared at his work he wouldn't shoo me away, but he didn't exactly welcome me with open arms.  When I married, Jamie and I reconnected. When Jack was born, Jamie was around more and more.  Jack's birthdays were always more special because Uncle Jamie was involved. And, when Mom died Jamie was with me at the most basic level.   After this, he started slipping away.  

Mostly Jamie and I talked whenever UVa was playing football or basketball.  We'd listen to the games together and lament the outcome.  Our last conversation was a year ago .  I texted him every other week or so after that for the last year.  He answered me twice.  The day before I left for Jordan I texted him to let him know I'd be gone for a month and that I loved him.  Two days later John called to tell me that Jamie had died.  I did love and do love and will always love Jamie so much more than I am able to describe.  For so long, he couldn't stand me, but we worked it out.  I admit that I was an awful little sister, but he was an awful big brother.  

This gets me to the promised land.  What IS the promised land?  Where is it and who defines it?  For Moses it was different than it is for me.  Jamie's was different than mine and I'm not even really sure what mine is.  But, I believe mine involves here and now.  It involves us living our lives to the fullest and loving our neighbors as ourselves.  This is no easy task.    

Let's face it, the road to the promised land is littered with burdens that can not be easily swept aside.  Jamie was not a traditionally religious person, but he was a moral one. I know that I could not have kept him from making the choice he did.  I hope that he knew that I loved him that much and that I held him where he needed me to.  That's all we can do for anyone.  

My spirit is taking a little trip.  Will it be an odyssey?  I hope so, though I hope not as long as Homer's...

Monday night I leave for Amman, Jordan, where I will be working with veterinary students at the Humane Center for Animal Welfare and the veterinary school north of Amman in Irbid. And, while I desperately NEED to be getting things done here like emailing forms, filing taxes and packing, I can't stop my mind from wandering...

Six years ago, I went on the first of four mission trips to the Dominican Republic. That trip unsettled my spirit and it has yet to recover.  Bible School is not my cup of tea in this country, but I decided to go and try it in another. Guess what?  It still isn't my cup of tea,  but the experience of intentionally focusing on people and being with them where they are changed me.  I came home from that trip wanting to change everything I do.  Thanks to all of you who are with me as I go down one rabbit hole after another.  First, I wanted a Masters in Public Health (maybe I still do...), then I wanted to be an RN and so on.  In there somewhere Mom died and I started going to therapy which is undoubtedly the BEST decision I've ever made (after marrying John, of course).

I had already been on two mission trips by the time I met my therapist.  I know she secretly rolls her eyes when I say I want to sell everything, pack up my family and move to a Costa Rican rain forest to be a missionary.  The problem with that is that I never feel like I know enough about the Bible or church to actually do it.  One day she introduced me to the four-year program called Education for Ministry (EfM).  The first two years are spent studying the Old and New Testaments.  Currently I'm in the third year and studying the history of Christianity.  Last year we talked about the idea of vocation.  I was struck by the realization that, at the moment, I don't feel that my job and vocation are aligned. This is why my spirit has been struggling for so long.  I just want to help people who truly need help.  I don't want a price tag attached. And, because of my deep belief that the human-animal bond is one that should be protected, I do struggle at work sometimes.

Enter CVM (Christian Veterinary Mission).  I know people who have gone on trips with them and loved it and I visited their website after that first mission trip.   The very idea of veterinary mission makes me happy, but the on-paper descriptions of personal belief make me uncomfortable.  If nothing else, EfM has made me somewhat more skeptical about blanket statements and until now I have been unwilling to take a step with them.

The attractiveness of this trip lies in the fact that it's in Jordan, a Muslim country.  Proselytizing is against the law.  I cannot use the words crusade, evangalism or missionary.  Whew!  I don't currently use them, so that's a relief.  I  can go and be a veterinarian and if someone asks me about what I believe, I can share it.  The true gift of being on a mission trip is that you can be 100% focused on the trip and not have to juggle the distractions of everyday life.

I hope to be checking in here while I'm gone.  It'll be an amazing trip.  Thanks for all your support.